


The C-Bomb

by JennySmithInTARDIS



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Crack, Established Relationship, F/M, Innuendo, Kidnapping, No Smut, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 16:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7582009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennySmithInTARDIS/pseuds/JennySmithInTARDIS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor's vocabulary expands greatly when he realises its a very human trait to swear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The C-Bomb

**Author's Note:**

> There aren't really any (what I'd consider to be) mature themes in this fic. It's more on the cusp between Teen and Mature. However, because there is quite a bit of bad language I have labelled it as a mature fic. Better to be safe than sorry, and all that. :)

The New New New Doctor - as he had named himself, jokingly with Rose three weeks ago - had decided to make his  _ girlfriend  _ (he loved that’s something he could call her now) breakfast in bed. It had been  _ quite the night  _ for them, after all. Not much sleeping done, not much at all. And it was the first time they’d ‘not done much sleeping’ together, so of course this was a cause for celebration.

 

The Doctor was flustered. The room quickly filled with smoke. He ran and ripped the batteries from the smoke detector before it went off and woke Rose, then he rushed back to try and salvage the burning pancakes. He almost completely forgot the sausages. In his panic to get them out of the oven in time he forgot to use oven gloves, or any other form of protection from the hot baking tray. He had been a wonderful cook before and couldn't help but blame his part-human side for these mishaps. Donna’s cooking skills had been atrocious. Now it seemed that they were also  _ his _ atrocious cooking skills. 

 

Rose had woken up to the sounds of pots and pans banging around, not to mention the smell of burning. Her eyes went wide as she propelled herself out of bed, running straight from the room, down the hall, towards the kitchen, completely naked. 

 

She came to the doorway of the kitchen as the Doctor attempted to retrieve something from the oven, with no bloody protection against the heat! 

“Doctor!” she tried to warn, a little too late. 

“Oh, bollocks!” he shouted as he dropped the tray on the worktop with a loud clanging sound. 

Rose gasped. She had never before heard him swear. He had actually chastised her whenever she had the rare outburst or slip up. 

“Oh,” he uttered, seemingly completely shocked at his language.

“Are you okay?” 

Rose rushed over to the sink, wetting a cloth with cold water, before she wrapped it around the Doctor’s hands. 

“I… I think I like it!” 

“The burn?” Rose furrowed her brows in shocked confusion.

“No, the cussing! It’s oddly freeing, you know? And ever so human, don’t you think, Rose?” 

“I guess so. Just odd comin’ from you, ‘s’all.

“I see, but Rose, you have no idea how much this frees up my vocabulary! I can say them all! Shit, fuck, balls, twat, prick, c--” 

Rose cut him short for that particular swear by cupping her hand over his mouth. 

“Maybe still don’t say that one, yeah?” 

“Or right, of course!” 

 

There was a long pause as the Doctor’s eyes ran up and down Rose’s body. A wide grin appeared on his lips. 

“Rose Tyler, I have only just noticed - you’re completely starkers! Brilliant, absolutely--” 

“Doctor.” 

“Yes, love?” 

“Bedroom?” 

“Allons-y!” he declared, picking Rose up bridal style as he ran with her through the flat.  _ Their _ flat.  

::

_ 2 Years Later _

Apparently there were exceptions to the ‘C-Bomb Rule’. The week before the Doctor and Rose’s wedding a hostile alien held Jake at gunpoint. Rose stood a good 5 ft from the offending otherworldly visitor, and the best friend this universe had to offer anyone lucky enough to meet Jake Simmonds. 

 

Rose was shaking slightly, fear coursing through her body. Yet she refused to show the Fasiluriem this. She stood in a firm stance, her gun drawn and pointed at the pink humanoid with six arms. The Doctor leant in to ask her a question in a whispered voice. 

“Rose, can I say that word now?"

“What?” 

“The ‘C’ one.” 

“Oh, er, yeah Doctor, you can say it now.”

The Doctor stormed forward a few paces, the Fasiluriem shifting slightly and holding the gun tighter. 

“You put my best man down,” the Doctor started, “you wretched cow!”

 

An hour later, when the situation was resolved, the Doctor couldn’t understand why Jake, Rose and Pete (after he had saved the day, yet again!) all laughed at him. He pouted his lips and whinned.

“Rooooose! What’s so funny?” they just continued to laugh harder. “What? What is it?” he began to get frustrated. 

“‘Put him down you cows!’” Jake cried in what the Doctor thought was an awful impersonation. (Far too high-pitched and squeaky. It sounded much more like Rose, and not his manly self.) “Mate, what was that all about?” Jake continued to laugh hysterically. 

“Rose said I could say the ‘C’ word!” 

“Yeah, but…” Rose began, “I thought you meant… ya know.” 

“No, I don’t know.” 

Rose leant in to whisper the terrible curse word in the Doctor’s ear. 

“ROSE TYLER, why I never!” 

“You said you could say ‘em all!” 

“Not  _ that!”  _

 

Pete smiled at Jake, while Rose and the Doctor continued their conversation, before making a proposition.  

“Jakey-boy, I bet you 50 quid you can’t get him to say it.” 

“You’re on old man, you’re on.” 

The two men shook hands, a mischievous glint in their eyes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta’d so all mistakes are my own.


End file.
